What Women (and Men) Want
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
This verse is not saying that if I love God He, then He will give me everything I want; rather, I’ve come to learn it means that if I love God, then He will be everything I want.
I used to be a “promise” chaser–chasing after blessings of health, wealth and happiness. I believed that was what God, as a good Father, wanted for me.
Sometimes what I think I want is not really what I want, and what I think is good is not really good.
I have been praying for the healing of my digestive system for seven years. I began getting sick at the beginning of 2009. About nine months later we moved out of state, did not have health insurance, and my condition continually worsened. When we moved back home a few years later I saw a specialist, and after my first colonoscopy was told he had removed a monstrous polyp which, had I waited fifteen years until the recommended age for a colonoscopy (who signs up for one of those before they need to?!) would have developed into cancer. Had I been miraculously healed as I wanted to be, as I believed the Lord wanted me to be, that big ol’ polyp would have sat there and grown and could have killed me.
Last summer our family moved after being led by the Lord to this specific town, during this specific year. My husband and I had our hearts set on one particular little house. The day of the inspection everything (quite dramatically) fell apart. We were heartbroken. Begrudgingly, I began looking at other options. I came across a house that had been on the market for months, but we had overlooked because it had been out of our price range. The price had just been reduced. Emotionally spent we tried to resist getting too excited, but our hopes kept rising. This house was everything we wanted but thought we’d never be able to find or afford. It was immaculately clean, built in 1900 but impeccably maintained, with the most beautiful hard wood floors and features. It is cozy-small, but bigger than the first house, and not requiring the long list of work the first house would need. Long story short, we bought this house and every day and night we thank the Lord for it.
I can easily see the cause for delay in my healing. One healing was held off for a greater healing. We were pretty wowed by God’s hand in this. However, it has now been three more years and I’m still not healed. Should I be frustrated, bitter, angry, confused?
I can easily see the hand of God in the first house falling through and suddenly finding the hidden-just-for-us little gem we are now living in. Again, we were wowed by God in this. If we had remained frustrated, bitter, angry, and confused about the first house, we never would have looked for or found the second house.
In a way it would have been good for me to be healed back in ’09. I would have felt better, been able to enjoy my favorite foods, not be in pain, not be hungry. But years later I would have been much sicker, in much more pain, and much worse off.
It might have been good to get the first house. We would have been happy to have gotten what we wanted. But months later, after spending God knows how much time and money cleaning and fixing it up, and trying to fit the four of us in such small quarters, we wouldn’t have seen it as so good.
God is good and knows what is good. What we think is good–immediate health, wealth and happiness–isn’t always good. We need to lay down our finite mind’s definition of good and allow God, in His true, whole and holy goodness, to be our good, good Father. His ways and thoughts are higher than ours and He is always working things out for our best–whether we see it or not. Whether we see what is ultimately His desire for us this side of Heaven or not.
Our reward is not in what is given, but in who is giving. In the Giver we have all we need, all we want, in all ways, at all times. Love, joy, peace, comfort, provision–these promises are unencumbered by circumstance and time; they are always and eternal. They are His; they are Him–and He has promised to never leave us or forsake us.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12).