Waiting with God
Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up, don’t be impatient; Be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave, courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep waiting— For He will never disappoint you!” Psalm 27:14
As I sat in the chair, mouth gaped wide open, and the dentist drilling away, Papa God began to speak to me. He said, “Kerrie, disappointment has caused cavities in your heart. I’m going to drill into your heart and fill them with goodness and hope and heal your heart.” The funny thing was I had been living with disappointment for so long, it had become familiar and normal, and I wasn’t even aware my heart was in decay.
Disappointment is when you stop believing in God’s ability to work things out for our good. You have underestimated the bigness of His goodness towards you because you have become heartsick and weary in waiting for goodness to appear.
I’ve spent some time in “disappointment-ville”. We’ve sold everything we own twice in our lives as we tried to obey and follow God. After two years of living overseas, being incredibly underpaid, and living from our savings to get by, I finally broke. Crying out to God, I expressed my disappointments in obeying and following Him, and that the net result was more sacrifice on our part. Where was His goodness towards us? If we trust and obey, surely the outcome should be goodness?!
Well, God let me know that I needed to re-read the New Testament and the story of David to correct my thinking. David was pursued by his enemies most of the days of his life. I had made the mistake of confusing easy for good. I wanted an equation that read, “trust + obedience = good and easy.” He was teaching me that good isn’t always easy, but it’s always good. Papa God told me to worship my way back to Him, to pray and worship through my anger and disappointment, and trust Him to be good to me.
I prayed simple, raw, and sometimes, angry prayers. In His patient goodness, He’d listen. As he showed me His perspective, I would repent as I realized His better perspective. I worshipped Him and sang of His goodness even though I wasn’t seeing it the way I wanted. After a few weeks, I noticed goodness popping up around me—in others, in challenges—and slowly God removed my lens of disappointment and replaced it with a lens of goodness.
God wants real prayers. Not prayers that pray what we think He wants to hear. Do we think He doesn’t see through that? If we focus on what He wants to be for us today, we open ourselves up to experiencing God’s grace and His goodness.
Waiting with God and it is so much better than waiting for God.
Matthew 6:6 says, “Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God., and you will begin to sense His grace.” (The Message)