Anxious and exhausted, I grabbed my journal and flopped on the bed. The room was quiet and neat, just what I needed before the harrowing week ahead.
Oh, the week. I’d failed miserably two years ago, and I shuddered as images filled my head. Forty international choral professionals. One world-renowned conductor. And me. Five days, five opportunities dreaded assignments to conduct. I cloistered myself in my room, studied, skipped meals, and stayed up until 2am conducting. Finally, with years of habit to unlearn and 2 nights to do it, my arms would not obey. Conducting patterns disappeared as I slipped and slopped my way through piece after piece. Jangled, disoriented and dismayed, I cried myself to sleep. The next day, terrified, tears seeped out of my eyes in front of the professor, and soon the whole class knew. I was falling, with no net.
Now those same terrifying days would stare me down again in just… twelve hours. Read the rest of this entry »